ChaosMasterBilly's Blog of Things
by tasukichiriko
Summary: Just what pushed Billy to a life of crime?


Dear Journal,

Whoa! Turned in my dissertation today and it ended up **_amazing_**!1 Discussed how chaos theory can be manipulated to render governmentally-derived traffic control systems entirely useless. I have so many plans for this Masters in Applied Chaos! But first I need to get them to get off my back re: paying back student loans. *rolls eyes* I'm a student! If I had any money, it would be going toward the development of things like my car control system. Imagine how cool it would be if you saw a car careening out of control and you could just toss this little hovering electromagnet that would stick to the car and have it hook up to your laptop somehow (I've heard this technology is on the rise, but we'll see) and then you could save lives! Well, and beer. I can't say that I wouldn't spend money on beer if I had it.

- Billy (soon to be MasterChaos!)

* * *

Journal,

It's been a little while. Turns out my dissertation went over like a lead balloon. (Assuming, of course, that you factor in the reality that you could make a balloon out of lead, but it would be ultimately frivolous.) I still get my Masters, but not with the distinction that I'd hoped for. It turns out that I neglected to factor in the chaos theory that is *already* factored in when the government designs these systems. That at least explains why I wasn't able to get my desired results on affecting the traffic flow around the movie theater when I was running late for the new James Bond movie and therefore missed it. I'm going today to try again, so wish me luck! *fingers crossed*

- MasterChaos (it's not official yet, but close enough!)

* * *

DeJo,

My new calculations for the traffic patterns are amazing! They worked like a charm and I managed to park right in front of the theater for the first time EVER. I felt really sorry for the guy who wanted the spot (although who wears a sweater vest this time of year? and with cargo pants?) but I technically got there first. Totally thought he was going to throw his car at me when he had to park down the block, but who does that, right?

ANYWAY! Got MORE calls about my student loans. I have to call back about getting them deferred another few years while I get my Ph.D. in Horribleness (Applied Chaos *is* the actual term, but who calls it that, right?) but when I finally get a job doing.. I don't even KNOW! I'm about to have a frickin Masters degree and I still don't know what I want to do in life except right the wrongs of the world. Right now, I'm a professional student. I think I'm going to try to do an internship this summer. I got a stack of applications from my guidance counselor, but LOLZ! So many of them are for the very companies that are taking advantage of people. Once I got rid of those, I only had about 3 left. I'll get on them tomorrow. For today, just going to lay around thinking up new AWESOME gadgets to have that are even better than what Bond has.

- BillytheChaosKid

* * *

Dear Journ,

Remember the guy with the sweater vest? Well, I was out getting frozen yogurt and he saw me and recognized me and threw me in the pond for "stealing his parking space"! Come on, dude, you can't steal a parking space! You can maneuver into it faster than someone else, but the nature of space is that it has no identity until it is occupied, so really he's at fault for coveting MY space. On the plus side, found a dollar coin in the mud as I was climbing out of the pond. The guy was wearing a shirt from the local technical college this time, but with a button-up sweater vest OVER it. So lame! But he's probably the kind of guy who's only smart enough to use a hammer, so, whatever.

In further "people want my money" news, I had to go to the financial aid office because one of my scholarships somehow didn't pay up but they didn't tell me until now, so I had to spend literally HOURS calling around to find out what was going on. It was only $3000, but compared to what's in my bank account right now, that's a lot of money. And while I was calling? Got a call from the student loan people! Balls. I meant to call them today, but the scholarship thing came up. I'd call them tomorrow, but I doubt they're open on the weekends. I penciled it in for Monday!

- ChaosMasterBilly (I know I keep changing my name, but I keep finding out that whatever I had was taken! This one doesn't seem to be, so it's mine for now!)

* * *

Dear world,

Can you just stop calling me about the student loans?!

I had planned to call on Monday and that didn't happen because Vanessa, the TA from my old Alternate Transportation of Matter class, asked if I wanted to go out for coffee. Of course I said yes! We spent almost three hours discussing whether it would be possible to send matter from one place to another using some type of ray, but we couldn't come to an agreement on it. Some science is still just so far beyond us.

Back to the loans, though, I got up early on Tuesday to try to call the student loan people. The number I had didn't work, so I dug out my paperwork for it and called the number printed there which somehow connected me with the Spanish hotline. I pressed a lot of buttons and finally heard someone speak in English and then they hung up on me! I called again and somehow got transferred to the branch that deals with mortgages? I took a break to get some breakfast and just as I was taking the first sip of coffee, the phone rang and I spilled coffee UP my nose. I think I have a BLISTER in my SINUSES! But I toughed it out and answered the phone and it was the student loan people. I tried to talk to them about the deferral and they said they couldn't do it because I waited too long to call them or something. As though I wasn't practically calling them as they called me!

Whatever.

- Billy (Turns out there's a band called ChaosMasterBilly? They're Canadian.)

* * *

"Okay, so, out of spite, I spent the money in my savings account on this webcam. Hear that, student loan people? You can want my money all you want, but if I don't have any, what will you do?" Billy shook his fist and laughed, but stopped when he saw how awkward it looked. "Why does no one talk about this with you when you're applying for college? It's all about knowing what you want and then figuring out how to pay for it and it's... It's ridiculous! Why am I having to pay to learn? The one thing that the government is good for is providing education, even it we are overtaxed for an inefficient system, but they don't help out with the advanced schooling that you need to become truly beneficial to society?"

Billy rolled his chair back and clutched on to the armrests and began to sing a capella: (listen here, maybe?) "In high school, no one tells you... just how great free education is. Now I've got these... overdue loans... and collection calls are coming in..." He leaned his head on one hand and let his eyes close as he continued. "Why won't they leave me alone... about my student loans? If I had the money I'd give it to you; make you get off my back before I say screw-" His voice cracked as he sat up.

"Hmm..." He held up one finger. "Now hold on, just a minute... Why should I pay them? What are they due? What this Masters in... horribleness... has taught me, is to think it through." He shook his head as he continued. "How could they want my money... to teach me to be unholy? I'll go ahead and do my internship in purloining, pinching, and running off with... Yeah."

He smiled as he leaned back in the chair. "And watch them... try to stop me... I'll just laugh 'cause they pushed me to this. Heisting, looting, appropriation... Just to lay hands on my Ph. D..." He let the last note linger just a moment as he glanced at the stack of internship forms that he hadn't yet filled out. "I wonder if the Evil League of Evil takes interns."

* * *

Billy cleared his throat as he smiled into the camera. "Thanks, everyone, for your kind comments on my first video blog, or vlog. As for the singing, well, I don't think I really realized I was doing it at first? When you work with chaos theory enough, you find patterns in everything, even your own thoughts and words, so it kind of became a song."

He slicked his hair back. "I pulled off my first heist today. It wasn't much, only $150 or so, but that's enough for my first payment for my student loans _and_ some beer. I'm going to try another one soon. It was... exhilarating! At the suggestion of a guy named..." Billy squinted at a notepad where he'd scrawled down several things. "Moist? I think it's Moist. Anyway, at his suggestion, I'm going to attempt to hack into the mainframe of the student loan company and make it look like I've paid them."

Clearing his throat again, Billy continued. "Some of you made fun of my laugh from the last vlog post. I'll work on that, so give me a little time. For now, I have internship applications to turn in. If I can't work with the Evil League of Evil, I should do _something_ productive since I think constant heists would get boring. Although, have you guys heard about that new substance Wonderflonium? Oh, man, to be able to play with some of that!"

Billy raised his hand in a peace sign. "Well, I've got a pizza that should be here in a few so I'll check you guys later." He turned off the webcam and sighed. Was this really what he wanted to do? Join the Evil League of Evil? Idolize Bad Horse and his death whinny? The world needed to change, though, and he'd already announced it to the world. He wondered just how much longer it would take to get his doctorate and whether that would be plenty of time to prepare to join the ELoE. Although, doctorate... in "horribleness".

He wondered... was Dr. Horrible already taken?


End file.
